He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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