I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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