Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
