i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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