I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
