dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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