omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
