Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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