positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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