first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
