you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
