I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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