Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
