Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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