The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
