Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
