She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
