Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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