just come out here and I will go home with you...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I'm really busy with my period
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