imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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