My underwear smells like fireworks.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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