question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
