sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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