I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
