I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
