Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
