I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
