Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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