Don't make out with my wife yet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
