I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
