oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
