I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
