i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
