Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
