is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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