Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
