how can u be prego again
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Say something about gay babies.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
