I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
