I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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