thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
