so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
