I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
