Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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