Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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