I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
