I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
