btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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