I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
