The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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