Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
