Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
