Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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